Social media


Let’s talk about social media. Why are people so obsessed? Editing their faces for photos, spending hours ensuring they get the most “instaworthy” pic, wasting time scrolling their newsfeed. And for what? Why do people prefer to spend time on their phone, obsessing over other people’s perfectly constructed photos when they could look out the window and see natural beauty all around them?

I’ve travelled to many beautiful countries, and seen so many amazing sights. But one sight that never ceases to amaze and frustrate, is that of people out and about, constantly on their phone. Sure it’s okay to take a photo or two, but what’s not okay is spending the majority of your time ensuring you have the perfect photo, rather than focussing and embracing your surroundings.

Furthermore, I fail to see why people do not see the extent of addiction. Since when did your phone become more important than the old school friend you’re catching up with for coffee? Why is what’s happening in “celebrities” lives more important to you than what’s going on in mine? Why would you rather show your parents and grandparents memes, instead of living fully in the moments with them?

If your grandmother passed away suddenly, would your last memory with her be you showing her a photo on a small device, when she’d rather pass along her knowledge and wisdom from her years? Or would your last memory be one of joy and fulfilment, knowing that you made every second with her count, embracing all her stories and love?

I don’t think it’s demanding to expect your company to be fully present when with you. In fact, I think it’s rude if they’re not.

How many times do you go down the street, and see people having meals together, both on their phones and ignoring the other? I’ve seen more than my fair share of these interactions. Where the only human interaction is one taking a break from their phone to show the other something funny on their timeline.

Life is short, people. Put down your phone, talk a walk outside with a loved one, or go for a drive- just do anything that involves seeing that beautiful world around you and not through a screen!

I promise you, once you let go of your fear of being behind on the latest posts, you’ll find peace. You’ll make more meaningful connections. Who knows, you just might find happiness.

But you certainly won’t know until you try.

Projection


It’s not fair to project your expectations of others onto them, and then punish them when they don’t meet those expectations. 

Just because you would do something different in the same situation, doesn’t mean that person is any less than you. You may have a different perspective on things, or they may not even truly understand the situation as a whole and are therefore only equipped to deal with what they see or feel. Some people just aren’t fundamentally capable of thinking of others’ feelings. 

Their maximum may be your minimum, and that’s okay. That’s what makes us all unique. It’s a learning opportunity for both of you- for them to stretch their maximum, and for you to remain grounded with your ego in check. 

So next time you’re mad at someone for not doing what you would in the same situation, take a step back and look at it from a different angle. Is that person equipped with the right knowledge and skills to see it from your perspective? No? Then why are you punishing them for something they don’t know how to do, when you should be teaching them how to see it more broadly? 

Here’s an exercise to start you off- think back to the last time you had a disagreement with someone, or were upset that someone didn’t consider your feelings how you would consider there’s. Look at it from a different perspective- are you projecting your expectations onto them? Is there something you could do to assist them in understanding your perspective? Is it even reasonable that you feel this way, or are you overreacting? Write down your response to these questions, look at them, and walk away. Come back to it when you’re calmer, and decide if it’s worth starting a dialogue in a mature way, or if it’s best to leave it be. 

Spring Time


Just want to take a few moments of everyone’s time to touch on the importance of mental health and make sure everyone is taking care of themselves. When you’re feeling the weight of the stress and anxiety, whether at work or in your personal life, the best thing you can do for yourself is to take a step back and get a deep breathe of fresh air… literally. Make sure you take the time to distance yourself from the stressors in your life and focus on something that makes you happy. Then come back to the situation with a fresh mind and a happy heart. Don’t work through lunch because you have so much to do- go outside for a 10 minute walk around the block, get out into the sunshine, get the endorphins flowing. The work will still be there tomorrow, but there’s no guarantee that you will be. So why spend your days unhappy and stressed? You shouldn’t have to. It’s now spring and the sun is out, it’s the perfect time to make a positive change and focus on being the best, happiest you that you can be. It’s okay to say no to something, and it’s okay to take time out for yourself. Today I wanted to work through but forced myself to get outside and sit on a park bench for 30 minutes and read my book, and I went back to work refreshed and more productive than I was before lunch. I urge everyone to do the same! 

Reflections


Today’s reflection: don’t put up with shit that you don’t deserve. Have the courage to stand up for yourself, say “I’m not going to take this” and walk away from whatever is troubling you. 

It’s been just over 6 months since I made the best decision of my life and quit my job. It was something that had crossed my mind so many times, and by the time that I finally acted it was on my mind multiple times a day. The final decision came after I had lunch with a friend, and she told me she’d never seen me so stressed and I did not have to put up with that shit. After lunch I went back, typed my resignation letter, handed it in and went to a travel agent. 

So 6 months on, I’ve travelled to 10 countries, I’ve been broke and in debt (cheers mum for having my back), deferred from uni again and am changing courses, and have found a job that I love and where I’m appreciated and respected.

Financial stability is not the most important thing in life. What’s the point of having thousands in the bank if you’re miserable whilst making those dollars? Why spend hours working for a company that treats you badly and makes you hate yourself so much that you feel hopeless and pathetic? 

There is no point to it, and no one deserves to be treated that way. Not by your family, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your boss, and certainly not by yourself. 

But no one is going to respect you if you don’t respect yourself, and that’s where you need to start if you want to change your life. And it’s doable, you just need to make the first step. 

Today I made a difficult choice


Today I made a difficult choice, but one that I am ultimately happy with.

I’ve been struggling to enjoy my studies, it’s not the specific degree that I initially wanted as they didn’t offer it online, so I chose a similar one that was a Psych major, but social studies. I really enjoyed it in the beginning, but it’s been 4 years, I’ve only just passed half way, and I’m not enjoying the subjects lately. 

Last night I was looking at one of my assignments and had a mini anxiety attack. I couldn’t focus on what I had to read, everything was a blur, and I just felt sick and wanted to curl up in a ball. It’s week 3, and I was only on week 1 for one unit and hadn’t even had the time to look at my other unit. 

I decided that two subjects at once, plus a full time job, and wanting to maintain my health was just too much. But if I dropped back to one subject at a time, it would take me a further 4 years on top of the 4 that I’ve already studied, to complete a degree that would’ve taken me 3 years full time. I know I chose to do online part time study so I could work full time, but in reality I have no support from peers or tutors for my study, and I’ve lived in Melbourne for 4 years now and have very few friends because basically all I’ve done is work and study online. 

So with these thoughts running through my head, I got to the point where I didn’t know if I wanted to study still. I don’t feel like the degree I’m studying is going to prepare me well enough for the next part of the process to becoming a registered psychologist, and I don’t know where I’m going to end up in 4 years. And I don’t want to waste all my time and money and stop studying, but I also don’t want to finish the degree just for the sake of having a degree but not using it. I was at a loss.

I looked online, and found that they have the degree that I initially wanted in an online delivery mode now. Which is fantastic, but it also means that I can’t transfer degrees until November, and I will only do one unit at a time moving forward. I just have to come to terms with the fact that it’s better to take my time with it and take care of myself than rush things and be stressed 24/7. 

It’s time that I practiced what I preach, and make sure I take care of myself. 

Why you shouldn’t be afraid to remove negative people from your life


Society tells us that it is wrong to cut people from your life if they haven’t done anything that justifies it. But is it really wrong? Why should we feel pressured to keep people in our lives if they don’t make you happy?

I’m a big believer in quality over quantity, and I don’t feel I ask too much when looking for quality. In fact I think I ask for very little;

  • Contact me first once in a while. Ask me how I am and how I’ve been doing.
  • Take an interest in my interests, even if they aren’t your interests. And I’ll do the same for you.
  • Be honest. Don’t lie to me; if you don’t want to do something, then say that and I will understand. You don’t need a reason to not want to do something.
  • Mutual respect.

I have absolutely no room in my life for people who are two-faced, whose characteristics are not positive, or people who only want to bring down others so they don’t have to work on bettering themselves.

For far too long I have kept these kinds of people in my life, because I’ve felt pressured to not let go of friendships or acquaintances even though they’re no longer benefiting me. How sad is that? I’ve gone above and beyond for people who never even gave me a second thought. I put myself out time and time again, and every time I was left wondering why I wasn’t appreciated. I did it because I thought it would make them like me more, or want to be closer with me. I see now that I was over-exerting myself for the wrong people, and for the wrong reasons.

It has taken me a long time to get to a point where I can comfortably say to myself “this person does not have the qualities that I want to surround myself with.” And I don’t think that I should feel bad for thinking this. For moving people in my life from “friend” to “acquaintance” or from “acquaintance” to “someone I used to know.” I think we should be free to say “I’m sorry, but this friendship is no longer healthy. Let’s take a step back for a while and re-evaluate” without being called a terrible person. To me, this is a much better way of removing negative people from your life than ghosting them.

Which I have done in the past, and felt terrible about. I wish I had the courage to talk to that person, and tell them why I wanted to detach from the relationship. I wish I was honest instead of leaving that person wondering what they did to deserve it. The truth? Nothing. They did nothing except be themselves. I grew and changed and sought out what my values are and what makes me happy, and unfortunately that person was the opposite of everything I wanted around. The relationship was doing me more harm than it was doing them good, and I no longer wanted to be a part of it. So to anyone reading this, wondering what you did wrong; I’m sorry for not having the strength to be honest. Chances are it was nothing personal, just what I needed at the time.

Life is far too short, and too damn hard to waste it on people who are undeserving of your love. I will do anything for my friends without expecting anything in return, but I am no longer willing to do things for people who are unappreciative and only bring me down.

We all have the power to change the world, and we also have the power to change our own worlds. Stop letting negative people into your life, and you will quickly see how free life can be with no one to drag you down. Surround yourself with the right type of people, and watch the light shine.

– Eseljay xo

Mid year check in


I’m currently on a flight back to Australia after spending the last 3 weeks in Europe, and decided it was time for a mid year check in with myself. And when you have a day and half of travelling to do, there is literally no better time than the present. 

The last three weeks have been amazing. I’ve found so much more direction in my life and where I want to be, what my goals are, and how I want to achieve them. 

I want to seep happiness and kindness to the world. I want to surround myself with only the people who can impact me in a positive way. I want people in my life that I can vibe and connect with on a deeper level, whose goals and characteristics are in sync with my goals and characteristics. I want my life to be full of people who make me want to be better; people who push me to be the best me that I can be, and who continue to show me where I can make improvements. 

I don’t want to be poisoned anymore by negativity and hate; positivity and love are what I’m striving towards. 

I want to wake up every morning, motivated for the day and not waste a second of it. I want to go to sleep at night, knowing that I did everything I could in that day to move closer towards my goals. 

This means eating healthy, exercising my body and mind daily, and ensuring that I make at least one person a day smile or laugh. Spread the joy people, and the joy will resonate within. 

So this is my mid year check in. I’m definitely close to the path that I want to walk, and it is within sight. We are all capable of being the person that we want to be; you just need to figure out who that person is. It isn’t an easy or quick find, and certainly isn’t easy or quick to become that person. Enjoy the process of figuring out who you are and the person that you want to be, and don’t forget to check in with yourself regularly. 

Much love to all.